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tiistai 14. tammikuuta 2020

bored as always or I don't have fingers

So much sugar. I had energy drinks, cookies and juice so much I'm full of them. I had a healthy lasagna lunch at a health center. But yeah sugar sugar rush... I'm bleeding so much it hurts and my throat hurts I had to buy zinc tablets to suck on and they taste kinda horrible. Had three one every hour already. Hopefully won't get flu. Does not want to get sick before the move.
Been playing animal crossing pocket camp. Started watching a movie I'd seen before, with my amazon prime membership.
Reported a bug to zombies, run! support cause I keep getting unlimited downloads without a membership :DD nothing wrong with that.. but just you know... there's a free thing in the animal crossing game too but my child account already used it on another id. I have a guy called Jaska. Used to get mail to a Jaska as well I've kept the letters, haha. It's an anagram.
Last night went to shit. I was forgetting I had to go sign my lease with a friend today, I'm glad she texted and called.
Not really been much to anything. Just keep bleeding and hurting and don't feel like doing much. I've been served today, went shopping and took a little bus for elderly and sick people. Talked with a gupsy woman a bit about my moving and having lost contact with the neighbor. She knew instantly what I meant and told me there's a woman like that in every neighborbood who thinks they own the building and yard. I shouldn't worry about them either because it's not as if they were serious. How did she know I didn't even say about it being a woman or anything. Well... I got a ride home. I guess I had a triangle sandwich too. Might have had diarrhea or something as well as bleeding from the vagina a lot. Guess I'll need to take iron supplements. The levels in my blood have always been high but over the past tries to contracept it's been going steadily lower. Well except for that time when I couldn't give blood. I exercised a bit too much or something. Bicycled an hour or 18 km and ran all the way looking for the place to give my blood. I was feeling faint... I mean, I don't get hungry I just feel low if I don't eat.
There's no margin for fat people in this world my friend talked about us. Everyone is so tiny compared to being the size of a two normal peoples. Yeah we agreed. Trying to balance a ball in the middle of a board and find the gutter. That's how it is sometimes. She's full of great ideas and expressions like me sometimes when I strike an idea. Not much of that happening ever, lol. I have felt like I'm still learning about people even when I watch series or movies. The winks, the non-verbal stuff whatever. I don't flirt, though. Not sure I know how my lazy eye does it for me. I'm lazy at flirting, non pas.
I really need a painkiller like yesterday. I have 100 pieces of them 1mg of paracetamol but I rarely dig the jar out. If I did I'd take one for my aches every day.
What else. Spotify is shouting some kind of hard rock and I can't hear my phone. I had zombies run on. I don't even listen to the radio, I just collect the items and broaden my camp. Same thing in all the games. Money and level is the most important. Just have all the resources why don't they. Would make less sense to play. Oh and I found a game where I'm like a king and collect maidens and babies. 2 million players, just hoped it wasn't a player against player kind of wargame I have no time to 247 be on it and still lose when someone attacks and must use real currency to even somehow stay on the bottom. Daily I can login, sure if I remember. Also I have to stop using my phone for 23-8.30 if I want to grow a city, it's silly to have two phones but yeah. Electricity bill is just high.
*loses track of thought*

Something small is easy enough to understand, but you wouldn't download a car...

swoop and scoop makes no difference to me

still same size hand as when I was 15
Hi Interwebs. Long time no speak English. Don't know why I'd start now. There's the good and the bad business. I'm doing nothing and my head is kinda buzzling with empty. My therapist today helped because I say things that I don't even think about and the small thing then has a solution. Like, going to ikea to replace a light bulb that's flickering.
It wasn't a metaphor or symbol or anything the light bulb. Or that I'd need to open the windows to let some air in but not get the apartment too cold. My sheets have seen like three guys this year. It's a lot in the first two weeks I've just been home even less. Slept even more. Not getting worried about moving flats but I'm trying to downsize. Boyfriend has been out of the picture for so long (yet I still pay his phone etc mistakes I did for him, or us, afraid to lose it all) I do need somebody to tell me not sleep all day or I won't sleep at night, I did recognize that. I probably should shower also and do something to calm me so I could sleep. This regimen of going to sleep late and forcing myself to lay down for extra hours in the morning isn't good. Gets nothing done and gets stressful. A hamster's wheel that squeaks, never ending.

I just mean I'm bored. Looking at my screen for 4,5 hours per week. Logging into text based role play sites daily. Doing social media. Little is understood and I mean so much more could be explained of my valuable knowledge. But world goes on. Am I lacking something, vital maybe.

I could illustrate or keep doing poems or, well... I'm not currently motivated although that big important word nowadays does describe me somewhat. I still need 50 poems to make that free book of poems. Crap! Art is in the hand of the artificial robot. You don't feel like doing it. Not always.

Accidentally called my A.I. bot today. A poem happened. I got a poem once in my livejournal. Probably from my crush. I fell in love with twice. He owns some kind of electric factory where he's from the small town. Probably built it all with friends. Aww. Dunno much more. It was always one-sided admiration and wouldn't have thought about him as a partner, was pretty asexual then, I was...

Anyways. Old yes me, who? Older than internet. I brag. There's always someone who has it worse than yourself, my mother used to say. Don't think that she's found the love she sees everywhere. I'm a lesson for her. Who wasn't but yeah... such a weird personality those Leo's have.

Talked about horoscopes at the end of my session. Doctor Sigmund Freud's study of sexual desires and their meaning in development for a child. Good luck that those fire dragons only emerge every 60 years. Always wanted to own one. Have one. Date one. Have a big wedding. Just got to lose the bar.

My fave actor is like love at first sight according to our compared birthcharts. I don't usually do that for fun. Perhaps the ride has been longer than I think. Anyway he's there, with her, anyone else when I'm anywhere but here and bored out of my silly mind.

Fantasies. Id. It shall be suppressed deep down and I will run, run. I'd rather wank at my own picture than think of something else than platonic relationship with real peoples. Although my new date is kinda nice. It's like 4/4 on a scale of 1-5.

I'm so deep in my thoughts!! It's logically like a dream but without killing all the trash information. Feng shui and flow. Get everything towards the door and go. Flight before fighting what was left. Ugh. I have not spoken. There's this... and smiles all year round... feeling I'm not alone when I'm not in love with anyone either. Does not desribe.

Must really calm the duck to bed. Or a flamingo. All the unneccessary iOS emojis 🐫

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