work of non-fiction

Dear blog, good evening. It's been a long day. Most of it I slept... I can't remember taking the dog for a walk, though I did at some point. Woke up finally around 6pm, got out, ate neighbours food, went to the store, sold my exercise ball for a pack of cigarettes. Did my nails and put on makeup and shot a photo of me, with them. I've been a bit disorientated all day, fiance wasn't home. I've drank an energy drink and I feel like I could stay up late, get my sleeping cycle even more messed up.
Yesterday I watched an anorexia documentary, so I had only eaten less than 500 kcals worth of yogurt today, before I joined the barbecue the neighbours were having, so that made me try a bit of everything. I was going to set new rules for eating, because I would die sooner if I stopped eating rather than complications of being obese, and I would rather die young and skinny. I was going to because you can get addicted to the feeling of being hungry, too. It isn't a nice feeling, because it comes with tiredness... but it's the same thing, surfing the web mindlessly, or laying down doing nothing but with the company of your own thoughts. I doubt anyone noticed if I was gone for a day, two days, a week or months. They might notice after two years, why the hell did she come back?
It's been the end of me for so long, though.

the random 69 Questions tag by me

1.  What time of the year do you start waiting for Christmas? From when do you play Christmas songs?
2. Have you done couchsurfing? If not, do you have a sofa?
3.  Do you know anyone who downloads illegal movies? When did you last see or hear stolen goods?
4. What's the best smartphone brand?
5.  How often do you change home electronics?
6. What's your relationship with the ocean (shortly).
7.  How do you comfort a friend?
8. Do you color adult coloring books?
9. How much stickers do you have?
10.  What facts abroad aren't true about your nationality?
11.  What's your dream tapestry like?
12.  What have you used in the dark to be seen?
13.  Are you on twitter?
14. How often do you take selfies?
15.  What's negative about you?
16.  Game you've played the longest?
17.  What will play in your funeral?
18. Describe how to live a good life, so people will remember you?
19.  Tell an anagram!
20. When did you make a poem?
21.  What choice will affect you 2 years from now?
22.  Are you the type to get commited?
23. How many times have you changed addresses?
24. Your oldest internet memory?
25. How long do you keep a PC on usually?
26. Does age matter, unless you are a cheese?
27.  Recommend a beauty product?
28. What were you like ten years ago?
29. What is an obstacle for you?
30.  Is the London tube easy to travel?
31. What are your dream nails like, how much would they cost?
32.  What entertainment do you spend most money on...
33. Do you read questions beforehand?
34.  Biggest questionnaire or the longest one you've spent time on the most?
35.  If you had to glue something right now, what would it be?
36.  Worst tool, you've had to use?
37. What reads in a t-shirt that's closest to you, if one has text?
38.  Geographically your most distant relative?
39.  Do you believe in something with no "scientific evidence". eg. sleep poorly on full moon
40.  What bothers you right now?
41. .If something is bothering you now, will it still have effect in two days?
42.  Do you finish what you start?
43. How many phones or numbers have you had the most at the same time?
44.  How many repeats does a set need if, it lasts 30 minutes?
45. Most useless object you can reach?
46. What have you collected or hoarded?
47.  Have you learned to fish with someone?
48.  Skills you'd give up? Why, or what would you trade it for?
49. What couldn't you change about yourself?
50.  Lyrics that you have not gotten out of your head sometime?
51.  How good are you in the language you are native at?
52.  A compliment you've received, that you might like?
53. What's the last time you misunderstood something?
54. Favourite philosopher/scientist?
55.  Are destiny's hands tied, like the eyes of justice are blind?
56. Could you eat porridge (oatmeal) every morning? What do you add in it?
57.  What were you like, or what did they think of you when you were a teenager?
58.  Do you have plans for the future, or do you live in the moment?
59.  How many scizzors do you own?
60.  Are bigger eyes, bigger cheekbones a beauty ideal for everyone?
61. Your favourite thing to say, or a motto?
62. If you'd find out, when you're going to die, would it affect your life?
63.  What magazines do you read?
64.  Tell us a fact or a bit of common knowledge. Sophisticate us.
65.  Famous Do-It-Yourself "guy"?
66. Who would you give flowers to, if it could be anyone alive or dead?
67.  List three things you don't have but need...

getting some typing done

Made the bed, put some ambience on, drank tea, clothes on and makeup?? Instead of proscrastinating when I woke up before 6am. All these tips provided by youtube.
Now I'm supposed to feel more productive. I guess I'll take the dog out later, and have an omelette for lunch. Almond chocolate milk is pretty good, tasty. I got some bran cereal yesterday too. My friend gave me money though but just trynna live.
I did make a bullet journal page for this month, too. Watered flowers.
It's amazing what you get done, when you don't know what you're even doing. I mean, yesterday I put nail polish and I hadn't done that in months... it's already flaking haha.
I guess I'm trying to get my act together. I already gained weight from yesterday, having alcohol and a piece of cake, too. (popcorn, pizza, you get the idea) I didn't eat anything except coffee in the morning and then lunch "started" at 2pm. I guess it'll go down from here. I skipped coffee this morning, so it doesn't burn my insides. Green tea is much more relaxing.
yeah I'm cool, just chilling.

My own shop on redbubble! I get 20%

https://www.redbubble.com/people/kajsabl

must have merch! From yours insanely...

Love doing this, though probably no one buys them

Säästin pari euroa kun TeinItse

Inspiraation lähde: (googlettamalla) https://www.treehugger.com/clean-technology/8-diy-ipad-covers-that-are-cheap-easy-and-stylish.html

vielä voi koristella paremmin, mutta tässä nyt nopeasti hutaistut

Eli tein kuplamuovi kirjekuoresta sekä lattiamatosta iPad suojukset. Vielä on kirjaan leikkaamatta tila iPadille, jotta saisi ihan kannet. Mulla kuitenkin vain sakset käytössä eikä askarteluveistä?

sparks are flying, wheels are turning, but no words come on my title for this post....

organising shelves, books, making lists, determining their worth, whether I will finish reading them ever, thinking who I'd recommend them to, that sort of stuff.
I have ten bookcrossing.com registered books and rest fifty are without labels and markings.
Last night started reading an ebook and I'm on Chapter 14 now.  It's a young adult book.
In three hours I've gotta start going towards downtown, as we're going to the cinema with my friend and maybe eat before the movie.
So I'm just keeping myself busy, or what.

Herkkä ja kaunis rakkaus

Musta tulisi hyvä hääkuvaaja? Laittaisin nää mun portfolioon... Laitoin ne jo sulhaselle s.postilla originellit versiot

Arvolleni sopivaa, ta-daa

Kitisen... häistä... ja niiden aikana(?). Laihduin vaan. Salaattia ym otin lautasmallin mukaan, ja nälkä jäi. Koiriakin piti mennä hoitamaan, niin ei voitu jäädä sinne puolille öin. Mäkkärin kautta kotiin, saatana. Mutta vain euron juusto. Venäläinen naapuri sanoi, että jos olisi venäläiset häät, ei olisi nälkä kahteen päivään sen jälkeen... ja mulla on sitä taustaa jotain.
Mulla oli hieman draamaa siellä, kun mut laitettiin istumajärjestyksessä täysin viimeiseksi... se näytti siinä kartalla seinällä ykköspaikalta, mutta todellisuudessa mä lähdin vetää pihalle ja itkeskelin yksikseni istumassa jossain vähän matkan päässä. Kun menin takas sisälle, murhasin hääruokaani ruokavälineillä mielessäni.

Viime yönä oli magnesium puutetta ja suonenvetoa vasemmassa pohkeessa. Siitä kai tietää sit, olleensa kännissäkin. Ei mulla toisaalta mitään muistikatkoja oo.

Tultiin kotiin, ja siellä oli naapurit venailemassa grillikatokselta. Niille sit hääjuorut tai perhedraamat pääperiaatteessaan. Kun lähdettiin pois, ja olin halannut niitä "tasapuolisesti" niin kuulin pois lähtiessä jotain miten mukava olen tms. Kunhan olen oma itseni?

Aika paljon kuitenkin ihmisten käsityksiä saa muuttaa, jos susta puhutaan jotain p***** selän takana.... kuultiin joltain serkuilta, että mulle ollaan vihaisia, kun olen tyyliin satuttanut mun avokkia jotenkin.... mutta suurimmalti osin mä olen sen pitänyt kasassa, ja pelastanut juoppoudelta sun muulta itsetuholta ja onhan se laihtunutkin ~15kg alkuajoilta. Eiköhän se ole jokusen kyyneleen arvoista. Ja kaikki olen saanut kuulla mun avokilta mitä mieltä se on, mulla ei itsellä ole mitään osaa tai arpaa siinä veljesten itselleen kehittämässä riidassa. Jos toinen on ahne, eikä maksa velkoja, ja jos tarjoaa jostain tontista arviolta 35 tuhatta, vaikka kaavoittaessa se olisi miljoonan arvoinen. Vitun perintöasiat oikeesti, me tarvittaisi vaan rahaa nyt vähän.. Avokkini on työhullu, mutta palkkojen saamisen kanssa sillä on todella sinisilmäisiä ongelmia/vaikeuksia....

huoh, mutta se siitä?? Taitaa olla vähän sukuvika, valehtelu ja tollee.

snapchattii

Love shot down

Yeah... not sure what's up. I still get visits on here from like, Tacoma and USA but not sure if that has anything to do with me having an effect in anyone's lives ...I guess we all do, somehow, if you just let anyone close. I couldn't physically say my particles have travelled that far

My fiance had to play doctor, again last night, and pop my pimple down there, cuz my thighs rub together... he just laughed when I asked so what, does my vagina get spoiled- [cause of the marks it leaves] dunno... can't get rid of my stripes, or spots in this case?

It's his brothers wedding today... three hours until we kind of have to be there, and what am I dreaming? I just have a bra on and no makeup yet even, like that should be kinda important, right

Yesterday he complained I hadn't been doing anything all day. He said he'd throw my laptop out the window. I was just getting a cigarette from our neighbour. I'm actually anxious about going to this event today, so it's good to let out steam sometimes

Uhh. I guess I didn't do anything yesterday, I just played some games [Elvenar, ffsng]
but I do get addicted easily.
I don't even care anymore. it's just hard when reality smacks you in the face like a real pizza pie <3

Alright, getting ready to suck some alcohol like a sponge!!

perils

justifying my trial and error learning experience;;

Made 'a fan sign' for myself, lol... I don't think that stuff has been around in years, maybe in Korea...
I am quite sure it's an actual person, image was from 2009 but the account was deleted.

Gosh, I must be bored. Tomorrow is the day of the wedding.

..Finally I get to get drunk, woot!

it's not even lunch time, but I'm hungry?

oh noes oh eek yaikes

Went to talk 'a mix of Finnish/English' with my neighbour... we talked money, sex, books/movies, parents and our relationships. It was quite a bit of fun, but kind of serious in a teary-eyed way as well. She is bi, and I'm not interested in her that-a way, since even though I have a respect for gay peoples, I'm not touchy-feely with women kindaaaaaaaa
but like I said. I don't really want to continue on those subjects on here. English comes from my spine, so it's easy to forget what the hell I've been telling people... well it's mostly all, if not everything?
Saw her on my way to buy cola from the nearby shop. I feel like I've always lived nearby a shop?
I did some stretching of my back yesterday, and it just made them hurt more... so today I skipped that, and though I've been sitting loads, it's not like I had to go to bed with my shoulders jammed.
Not sure what else to tell. (lies, lies)
ahmm okey.... got to go to sleeps soon.
Been playing a game on my laptop and bought some stuff on that, with my mobile. I know it's dumb. I also spent some money I haven't got yet, on a swingers site... 2x D'oh. I put the profile up as if it was both of us, but it's not like I told my fiancé we're on some site. -.- we have had sex lately, so it's not like we need spicing things up? ...I keep thinking about the neighbors, face... when I told her I've only had one orgasm once, with my fiance... and even then he was pretty surprised at my strong orgasm. Perplexed, no.. umm, confused! Yeah.
But nevermind. I'm going to bed I guess? I was going to stay up for like an hour more, but then my bedtimes stretch and even this morning I woke up around noon, so that's not a good thing... sleep kills, loneliness kills, cigarettes kill, alcohol kills, breathing kills, life fucks us all nobody's a virgin!!
(...)


so bye bye and take care

perfect capture

be a rainbow in someone else's cloud

toisaalta... vittu

En osaa päättää, mitä tekisin tolla kympin setelillä. Säästää, tupakkiin, vai johonkin muuhun??
Ja sori jos en ole kirjoittanut suomeksi paljon mitään, mutta eiköhän teillä sitäkin taitoa ole.
Heräsin aamusta neljältä, tunnin päästä menin uudestaan nukkumaan, ja kello on nyt jo vaikka mitä.
Kaikki on vinksin vonksin, tai ainakin heikun keikun.
Katselin myöhään eilen vuokra-asuntoja. Pystyisi nyt ensin tämänkin vuokran maksaa alta pois.
Katselen niitä kunnes olen muuttamassa yksin kimppakaveria hakemassa? En tiedä, alan olla melko tottunut mun avokkiin... täytyy ehkä vuokrata paikka jossa on vähän varjoa, eikä niin avaraa ja valoisaa, koska sen rypyt ja kalju kiiltää muuten liikaa mun silmiin... tiätteks.
Kesällä muutenkin turha kirjoitella journalistiikkaansa, kun on kuuma ja hiostava, ja ihmiset on mieluiten ulkosalla, kuin lukee jotain blogia, hah ha.

if you think life is unfair, you're going to be sad a lot

Fuck my writing errors. English isn't my native language, anyway.

I have got to sleep cuz I woke up so early. I haven't even walked the dog today and my fiance almost sprained his ankle and I'm here complaining I'm tired:; when he's hurting. >:|

but yeah at least I gave him my prepaid phone to use.

We have a smart casual party tomorrow... then there's that relatives wedding on Saturday.

Been using deviantArt a lot, I hid half my artwork or "deviations" because there were a couple hundred of them... most just photo diary-ism, if that's a thing?

but yeah on that note...

bye,

says me

makeup hides the spot

woke up 4am, got coffee 9am, not good