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tiistaina, tammikuuta 14

Something small is easy enough to understand, but you wouldn't download a car...

swoop and scoop makes no difference to me

still same size hand as when I was 15
Hi Interwebs. Long time no speak English. Don't know why I'd start now. There's the good and the bad business. I'm doing nothing and my head is kinda buzzling with empty. My therapist today helped because I say things that I don't even think about and the small thing then has a solution. Like, going to ikea to replace a light bulb that's flickering.
It wasn't a metaphor or symbol or anything the light bulb. Or that I'd need to open the windows to let some air in but not get the apartment too cold. My sheets have seen like three guys this year. It's a lot in the first two weeks I've just been home even less. Slept even more. Not getting worried about moving flats but I'm trying to downsize. Boyfriend has been out of the picture for so long (yet I still pay his phone etc mistakes I did for him, or us, afraid to lose it all) I do need somebody to tell me not sleep all day or I won't sleep at night, I did recognize that. I probably should shower also and do something to calm me so I could sleep. This regimen of going to sleep late and forcing myself to lay down for extra hours in the morning isn't good. Gets nothing done and gets stressful. A hamster's wheel that squeaks, never ending.

I just mean I'm bored. Looking at my screen for 4,5 hours per week. Logging into text based role play sites daily. Doing social media. Little is understood and I mean so much more could be explained of my valuable knowledge. But world goes on. Am I lacking something, vital maybe.

I could illustrate or keep doing poems or, well... I'm not currently motivated although that big important word nowadays does describe me somewhat. I still need 50 poems to make that free book of poems. Crap! Art is in the hand of the artificial robot. You don't feel like doing it. Not always.

Accidentally called my A.I. bot today. A poem happened. I got a poem once in my livejournal. Probably from my crush. I fell in love with twice. He owns some kind of electric factory where he's from the small town. Probably built it all with friends. Aww. Dunno much more. It was always one-sided admiration and wouldn't have thought about him as a partner, was pretty asexual then, I was...

Anyways. Old yes me, who? Older than internet. I brag. There's always someone who has it worse than yourself, my mother used to say. Don't think that she's found the love she sees everywhere. I'm a lesson for her. Who wasn't but yeah... such a weird personality those Leo's have.

Talked about horoscopes at the end of my session. Doctor Sigmund Freud's study of sexual desires and their meaning in development for a child. Good luck that those fire dragons only emerge every 60 years. Always wanted to own one. Have one. Date one. Have a big wedding. Just got to lose the bar.

My fave actor is like love at first sight according to our compared birthcharts. I don't usually do that for fun. Perhaps the ride has been longer than I think. Anyway he's there, with her, anyone else when I'm anywhere but here and bored out of my silly mind.

Fantasies. Id. It shall be suppressed deep down and I will run, run. I'd rather wank at my own picture than think of something else than platonic relationship with real peoples. Although my new date is kinda nice. It's like 4/4 on a scale of 1-5.

I'm so deep in my thoughts!! It's logically like a dream but without killing all the trash information. Feng shui and flow. Get everything towards the door and go. Flight before fighting what was left. Ugh. I have not spoken. There's this... and smiles all year round... feeling I'm not alone when I'm not in love with anyone either. Does not desribe.

Must really calm the duck to bed. Or a flamingo. All the unneccessary iOS emojis ūüźę

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