Not senile yet but perhaps a bit nostalgic

To an Old Friend

I don't expect you to ever read this. The internet is vast, people change names, email addresses disappear, and it's been a long time.
But if, by some impossible coincidence, you do... I've wondered? How you've been.
I still remember my exchange year in England. Lessons, breaks, getting coffees. Me being a weirdo and adding sugar in my cola. Going to see Brokeback Mountain I barely actually saw anything. I left, we wrote letters, exchanged parcels, and sent emails that have probably long since vanished into whatever digital archaeology aol.co.uk has.
We met again in London years later. Then we met once more when I was in London. And then life happened.
I've spent a long time thinking about our friendship. It wasn't perfect. I know I could be awkward. I remember things you said that made me realise I sometimes made you uncomfortable. I've thought about that more than you probably know.
What I remember most, though, is that despite those moments, you still chose to stay in touch for years afterward. That means something to me.
I don't know where life took you. I remember you talking about archaeology in Uni. I remember the Isle of Wight. I remember your sense of humour, our conversations, and a chapter of my life that has never really disappeared, even if the people in it have.
This isn't an attempt to invade your privacy or drag the past back into the present.
It's simply gratitude. Thank you for being part of my life when we were young enough to believe friendships could survive on stamps, envelopes, and the occasional email.
If you're happy, that's all I could really hope for.
And if, by some extraordinary accident, you happen to recognise yourself in this post and would like to say hello, you know where to find me. If not, then I hope life has been kind to you.
Some people only walk beside us for a little while.That doesn't make the journey any less real.
Quotes from you: "Some day I'm afraid you'll start quoting me." -Nemo
We talked about love. I think you said it was obsession, lust, and paranoia. On my last evening in England, you offered me beverages and strawberries with heavy whipped cream. I'm sorry your mum passed and you sold the house. It was lucky you received my card I was coming to London. Now I'd have no way to contact you. Unless you still use that email.
I know you can't pronounce my blog's name "kitujainen" and it doesn't even mean anything: I was just playing with anagrams.
I know you also know I had Twitter, cause you said reading tweets about being on a stationary bike. Rebundant, I know. I only have one picture of you, and you told me off for taking that so you did notice.
I really did want to come to your wedding if you ever had one. It was up there on my dreams with getting a dog if I quit smoking. I have of course quit now and started seeing some IoW content on TikTok and never really quit trying to learn English better. I'm an amateur, I never got to study languages in Uni.
Thanks for telling me crazy doesn't have a negative meaning in English. I'm not insane even if I feel weird or strangely embarrassing or difficult at times. I like puns and call-back humour for example or so I heard. I appreciate your friendship forever. Cannot thank enough. Curious whatever happened to you. Hoping it wasn't my fault that we lost touch. I am not really close to anyone. You met my best friend from Finland. Her family owns this flat. Sent you an email tonight about having to move. Them old nightmares, getting therapy.
I have to move though. Lots of crap to go through. You still wear leather jackets?

Cursed nostalgia will mess you up if you haven't met any standards for your age, gender i.e. groups

 I was born on a waning gibbus moon. I had no problems to analyze. So I might be a bit rusty in that dept. No longer! I shall make my own problems to look at. Well, not spesifically my own, but relatable.
English is difficult. I have been pooping all night... my insides are still twisted? No idea what I have eaten or drank. Can't have been very fresh! Like, energy drink why y u do this to me. No sleep, yay.
I want to wait until tomorrow so I can pay bills. How adult-ish. I already loaned a fiver from a friend who also smokes cigarettes butt the way...
Gotta make thous shirt typos.
I looked up at the sky 3am and saw stars. I'm too small to be of any significance to dead balls of gas. The moon however!
Yeah. I did some hampster handling on my tiktok live. I updated that video. Backwards. to the app. and twittarrrhh?? arr. You know what. It's this shirt. I'm too seggsy for my updates.
Poor megapussi of chips. I haven't had chips in weeks. Crisps. Damnit must I use the us/british version of words. I wasn't a student in a foreign continent. Just hiding from abuse a bit. Best year of my life. Then came retirement as a shock. More abuse except the diagnosis was subjective shirt she must have invented cuz I can argue every bit of it to be slandering. If I wasn't crying, lma0.
SPOTIFY WHY U Y MUST PLAY THESE oh look it's my virgin playlist called Can't Fall in Love. They claim my music taste is good but I still have 0 followers on there.
Blame it on the... the... thing that started the whole effect. Who acquired those other apps so every opening screen reads "owned by Fbook". Your soul is owned quail. No can do privacy about it.
Anyways. Where was I. Ah, deleting my search history. Things I should... perhaps ask a family doctor. They could tell me it's not a wart but a callus. And hard work repays. Needs and wants of an animal race just want to stay comfortable... never mind I'm sometimes in an astrophysical or neuropseudosciencetical journey to fit the bill of any theory I got about anyffin, rly :3
Yes, the word 'fuck' was invented by Nordic peoples. I read it in Wikipedia basically. Somewhere in my screenshots. The folds of my brain. The cloud save where things disappear off too.
I. sold. that 2nd gmail account I made cuz it had a pokemon go account attached on it. I told the doctor about it. Got confused. Ended up being shredded terror anyway. Patient records=nuclear waste
cannot relate. Tiktok has ruined my learning seeking brain in so many ways... as if "anuses have similar patterns to fingerprints" omg it is just trying to prove being gay isn't boring. whatever.
I need a rest. People are strange. My comments apparently even stranger than truth. "how is this not verified" well if anybody cared, I would be the first in the verification line. All who have been blogging for 8+ years should follow! And just this one blog, eh?
DEAR NEIGHBOURS. "ALA NYT JO NUK--" sounds just the same as "I WOULD D** FOR YOU" ;) it is morning and I can sleep next to nobody.
they be shouting again. necromancers from left and right? or is this hearring better than a rabbits? is it coming from below? Who cares! I would hear voices for you. I wouldn't listen to this rubbish Garbage though.
ok maybe maybe, I played fishpolk a bit too loud around midnight? It was only 37 minutes. After which I tried to relax without my phone for 20 minutes. Guess which had more success... I need to be harder on myself. No media makes me a dull girl though
Have no photos. You need no abs. We not expect you. Do what thou whilt.
*my scrambled mind tries to string together more problems with solutions offered that aren't my cuppa tea*
cuz, I be more. I crave to be more creative. I original. UGH. :F uuuuuuu
romance died with obsession lust and paranoia. I mean, maybe I was dreaming but someone asked me why don't I believe in love. ALL-IN on the lust.
*melts away slowly from these layers of fat not fast enough to not die even a long time* https://www.tiktok.com/@kajsablom88?lang=en here get a link- 
BRIITHH- burp. Me just throwing up on the screen. No dear, it is I, the most hated of all. buh-yeh bee (read: bye bye)