Ehkä sä haluat pitää sen (isän koulukaveri laiterahoituksesta jota edelleen makselen)

Olen silmittömän vihainen kaikenmaailman rahan lainaajille jotka valehtelevat sovituista asioista. Lowellille olen maksanut vuokrasaatavan j...


lauantai 15. huhtikuuta 2023

Questioning the point of seeing the light, I suppose...

  • I can't get anything done. I just gain weight. :( so cringe!&
  • Play games *my gaming  mouse restarts after an update* on the handheld, watch shows and just stare at screens really. 
  • It's Saturday so I overslept until past 2pm. I dreamt again. Not another groom designed messy, disaster wedding, but cleaning out dusty binders of printed stuff written by me, and my childhood soft toy multiplied by at least 6 six times, no idea how I picked up all of them.
  • I woke up, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast. Did the dishes for a while.
Yuki Eiri from Gravitation
AI version of my picture

I should go to see an eye doctor. I don't think my vision is quite normal, either. But there is so much things related to my health I need to get checked out first. Usually I would stress about everything and get flares in my groin area, but I guess I don't care anymore about my health.
Just fuck it all up.

I can't read some things. Like signs outside and this clutter I have indoors. I know what it, reads but my eyes are just blurry and fuzzy. I can't even like squint? 

Or... maybe I can. My brain and eyes gotta work together, the depth and distance to take into consideration. Hopefully I won't be needing glasses for reading soon as well as distance. I'd hate to be old. Bothers me. My vision is not set. It is not rigid. I can see texture, and color and faraway tree tops aren't pile of mush. I can separate letters. I don't know, guess not instantly, more like by intuition. Not knowing. Like not doing the work in my head. 

Conclusion is there, but how did I come to it?

Perhaps I woke too late today. None of this should make sense. Eyes do get tired under the stress of not getting air when the eyelids are over them. If I just relaxed the eyes. If I bat my eyelashes, shook my head in micromovements... well, I would be able to see. Like, I've used to not telling people things they do not notice themselvels, so they won't wonder what it is I am talking about. I don't see or hear things they don't, but, it's not from lack of trying...

Do I want to be interesting? Why do I use the internet nowadays? What do I need it for? What do I pay for? Why keep anything. It's not like I had friends on there. *a stream of faces flashes in front of my eyes of whom I've hardly met*

retinal rod and cone cells my ass...