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sunnuntai 11. huhtikuuta 2021

A few things bothering me

 It's still Sunday last time I checked. I read 78 pages of Finnish language and literature handbook. I have two of them, just never really studied it. This is how my most "worst books ever" start, about apologising about my textual skills. How apalling, eh. My friend hasn't called and I don't talk to anyone so nothing to cheer me up to save me from the bottom of the bed just asleep depressed.

 I failed my exams with barely one point to my name in Finnish high school. After that I have gotten a vocational degree and taken the extra class after basic education, although kids from now on will be at school until they are eighteen.

I watched Netflix. I watched a movie about fragmentation and then a horror movie about a nanny in a writer's home. It's getting late. Whether to light a candle and continue studying...

Earlier, I made hawaii pizza in the oven, recipe for the dough was simple. I used ketchup that had come with deliveries as the tomato paste base. I'm full. I had a few cigarettes here and now.

Tomorrow and Tuesday I have appointments to nurses. I'll go get a package tomorrow that I don't know what it is. It could be a sticker from Italy on how to return some gadget I used to scan my purcases. Don't know, haven't ordered anything new...

Listening to Spotify. I get a new weekly recommendation tomorrow. I think hamster might wake up soon. My last post was about how she doesn't come to me anymore and climb my hand but chews on the silicone of her new terrarium. I preferred it when I had to let her out to run in the wheel every night. We were closer :'(

It's too easy sometimes to overthink. Feel too much. Worry and keep going with the motions while catching the plot again and gaining control... or is it a fantasy? Some people seem to have self control in abundance.

I get older and my flabs hang and turn darker. There's no bleaching of all the darkness in your soul. I get hair in unwanted places and my skin is uneven and saggy. There are days I hate my legs, my stomach, my hair, all the impurities and just wanna hide and curl away, which I sort of do alone under a blanket and think myself away. Everyone hides age, there's no graceful ways around it. 👽

Too distant my molecules are from anywhere to really touch.

Short hair was nice but after I have been able to put it on ponytail, I mostly have kept it that way. *lets hair out* I need to put some retinol oil again on my face. idgaf looking younger. goddesses stay young forever but we all can't be Venuses and Aphrodites

what else. Time wasted. Years gone. Lonely. The time now. What could have been if I hadn't let them write lies about me in their databases, except it wasn't voluntary...

dark, darker, it gets. before the light looks blinding.