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sunnuntaina, syyskuuta 13

You wouldn't borrow an account, you couldn't unfollow a lack of trust #fancysundayessentials

 I'm a daydreamer. I look at a post about booktube. I read the comments. I click a link to a blog with a list of booktubers in my country. I wonder about things like libraries and whether abroad/overseas people think they are dirty somehow. Like people thought about flea markets, charity shops, in Finland some time back. Must be to do with also that Americans don't read so much. Being stupid and all. Creating these artificial intelligence rooms of big computers with terabillions of analysing power and speed just to sell us more stuff and sell our attentions, feed us our own dopamine and treating people as resource has become cheaper, faster, not minding ethics or morals. It looks the same when I look at booktube or bookstagram. People just want colorful libraries to sit in front of as prop or some kind of status thing or aesthetics, just keep buying new books, arrange their books, lay them out and sort them. I almost bought a book called Styling for Instagram but it's sold out just like the one with a thousand Harry Potter memes. :/ I found those by myself though. I don't think there were ads about those shown to me. It's nice to find info you need with a search, but if you had common sense, you'd know already what's wrong with you... the search shows results for your area where you globally are. I was also thinking today how I was 4 days without cigarettes and when I finally had one, I didn't get that intoxication feeling that it had hit me. I must've been doing something else. Isn't procrastination just avoiding doing other things. Like, keep asking why.

Well jawbone. Let's resonate better. I don't for example understand this Z gen. Everything is so strange about them. They got their smartphones in lower grades at school. I had the indistructible Nokia phones, and only game was Snake. Kids these days... they reflect different, think it's fun to make fun of others, not realising how weaker and weaker they've mentally becoming. They are used to manipulating? Getting people to do something they'd not otherwise have done. That's power. Governements have it less and less. Media and government maybe together. Still trying to sell false ideas to get them behind an idea that will cause devastation, like a war... the tech guru in the document I watched last night was afraid of a civil war. Countrymen against countrymen. Well racists, how's that going for ya. People are more attracted to the opposites. Who lies in the middle anymore? I never fit the smart, strong, beautiful girls group and the outcast outcast me a bit. Then I changed schools, they attacked me as a group asking where I come from and I refused answering so they left me all alone for the rest of my school years. Fucking pheasants.

I feel like I'm not known in my birth city. Friends are scarce. I'm not fun. Did I mention gen Z's think... I'm repulsive. Volatile. Unsettled. They have become so fucking cautious themselves I must look like a shaky tornado to them. I don't think so much, I just do that shit. There's a difference learning by trying and failing, than not trusting your own intuition and wanting to do better than people who did fail before you and learning from them. Learn from the masters, they're dead, aren't they? Should I approach things like a Z? Think I have buried feelings when I can't remember how deep they must be going? Sometimes man, it's just not sensible and drugs are to blame for increased appetite, binging, eating more in social settings... it's severe bullet points I copied there from side effects of why I eat: 

fast 

not thinking and when it's available,

finish, even though I know I feel full etc way much earlier when there was more left

in bigger quantities, just consuming, like there was a witch and I was the boy eating the gingerbread house for the witch to cook and eat, me!

Alright. I feel like I have always got it. Balance I mean. We're always inside our minds and other people telling you bad things about you, it's happening outward, it's not coming from within. That is peaceful but perhaps lonely. It's persisting. Staying your ground. Swaying like grass in the wind so you don't fall down like the tree with strong roots. Dirt is a happy place for a pig to live. Witches get excited about dirt, I hear. It's becoming less nutritious to grow the food in any dirt, as that soil is giving it's resources to feed animals. Humans deplete her, the Earth like a virus, the program in the Matrix trying to shut the fuck up human stentch off itself when it thought humans gave computing machines people's work... to look out after the Earth, and we became just food for one another and the electricity for the machines to feed on. It's a bit sci-fi but Plato's cave analogy already explains it. Once you see what others don't and you go back to them to explain what they think they see is really something else happening... crazy you have become in their eyes and killed you must be for such outrageous claims.

People don't adapt right away without resisting first. I don't know neurologically how that works. I hope we aren't just like the machines and that we were easy to predict. I like destiny though. I believe the future is predetermined. I'm also a humanist. That's not really great for someone who is an independent free thinker and supposedly not in any bubble.

I'm not masterful in the art of English words. I did get to 3/5 difficulty and 25 correct questions right as a streak on freerice.com app  but I don't know them all. I do feel like some I know but not how. Some can be deduced. Some are plain easier and some can't be figured out by quickly thinking the latin meaning or something unless you are certain it's a plant. To confuse there are similarities. My similar aged friend was always better at them than me. Or faster even in early 2000's. Kids have gone hungry ever since, they've ever, been born... but that's a morbid thing about babies and their parents. Defenseless baby is what it's worth, some countries they abandoned baby girls, and what if it was deformed, oh horror! and women dying at birth or the baby is born dead. Well... nowadays women pop those things out without knowing they ever were pregnant.

Yeah so what do I see when I look at my phone? My notifications useless, last was 10 minutes ago, then half an hour ago. Fuck Apple and Google even (even though blogger is their platform hmmmokaaayy) but people should make informed decisions and not have to wonder every time there isn't an ad!!!! lol yeah, they might know my hair color and I'm not sure if my eye color are real but if everything was in my favorite color,

don't you think I was a baaadd guyyyy

why don't I have a bright orange pillow with a b symbol on it.. oh yeah I never ordered one from etsy

What's this, year... Tomorrow I'm going to do a gym tour downtown for free and stay working out a bit in the gym until my psychotherapy. I still ge some ooze dripping from my nose and I just blew it cause I needed to but flu, flu, go away soon and get better next time, eh. God I hate the saying fall seven times and stand up eight. But a paradox a mind is, love it can and hate the same thing. Not being careful isn't not caring. What's a success rate to crushing the soul out of your mold oh human skin bag. Why keep writing. Keep your codes away demons ahhh ahhh ahhhh.

let them eat cake -marie antoinette

1973 she was beheaded.

Facts doesn't always meet the eye of every individual. What was news yesterday is just another day of wondering what's new today... new is pretty most often used word in Finnish. I dunno, exist or resist or adapt and resist. Resist is effort. Calm the shit up about being careful, cough cough. Valid my logic is not.

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