pe 19.4- klo 19.44

 Kävin juttelemassa psyk. hoitsulle. Se ei ollut sama jolle yleensä kevennän mieltäni (koska olin ajoissa! niin joo ja kahvin ja munkin ehdi...


torstai 30. heinäkuuta 2020

Knock. Knock. Whose there? Mom. Mom who? "Mom's dead, you are next!"

Listening to English Vocabulary Master for Advanced Learners. The book started with school related words. I tried to search what the book holds for me. Twelve topics are supposed to be included but which ones? I feel like my English drags and makes rusty noises like a door nailed shut. It is before 5am though if I keep this up longer than half an hour, it'll pick up.

My brother said about his mother tongue that he sometimes understands English better than Finnish. Playing games really builds that up, eh?

Well mom visited yesterday. Fridge and cupboard are full of food. Dishes mostly done and she kicked me in the butt, sorta. I don't want to claim much about her personality, but if I think she is the opposite on the myers-briggs.

  • Don't take the critique personally. Don't expect me to understand emotion. Quit interrupting. Stay to the point and spare the details.

So that is how it went. We laughed some. I was vocal. She also told me not to run in the store like I was a little child. We bought a lot of things. I made a list. She was defendant of not loving me (like a mother should, unconditionally) and any psychologist would have had a field day with us. I asked about her white lies with her man friend who lives with another woman. I guess I've had to make a point bigger sometimes too, when it did come to my own security, and boundaries in the past living situation.

Yeah so I was pretty much born to this life for a purpose. Might have failed but at least got blamed for it. Kids are innocent. Young parents make mistakes. The economy throws curveballs at you. Life happens, shit accumulates. New opinions are formed. Emotions felt. Thoughts and ideas forever lost. Destinies and bonds formed...

Sometimes she is too strong willed, abusing, doesn't know where the wind takes her and loses her shit over who is the lady of the house. Your traditional story of not stopping to answer questions when interviewed to the local paper about election. You need to take your baby to the childcare.

Love can be found, life can be lived alone?

My best friend had some secret theory of her seeing in me the reflection of past failure or what she hates about herself or something as universal as what a priest once told me, too. Why bullies to the things they do.

Problems. Conflict. The opposite of harmony and balance. It's what you try to think and mull over and conquer, laugh about, leave alone, eat it or lose your mind over when there is none. What do I know?