pe 19.4- klo 19.44

 Kävin juttelemassa psyk. hoitsulle. Se ei ollut sama jolle yleensä kevennän mieltäni (koska olin ajoissa! niin joo ja kahvin ja munkin ehdi...


sunnuntai 22. joulukuuta 2019

What's wrong with being with people you love! 1. ask yourself is it healthy 2. are you accepted as you are 3. is it worthwhile #gay

feeling reflective when I do want to review my 2019... punch me in the face like it's 2009... Ouch
while being stuck in music from 2009, bored tried and true~silly and unrealistic. does not comply. Title does relate.

NO MORE "ONE" in 2 0 2 0 https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%E4%B8%80

    Living with benefits
    • must leave behind a place I live, and all of it's people, e.x. friend from school who never paid full for a phone, and the neighbors helping me through breakup from past two years when I took a year longer time to organise my belongings and free my clutter... Got a new sofa by the end of it, stalking a random 40-year-old guy. Who wasn't into me and forgetting all the nasty things that an intense neighbor woman kept telling me about myself and how everyone sees me as disgusting and hated by all, that, I don't deserve to know the truths about her, while being intoxicated she wants with her life to end it and get rid of her family and that kind of destructive, poisonous, reminding me of my childhood when with a drunk parent(s). Those truths told by their true friend, guy who wasn't impressed by anything, had no goal in life, wasn't into talking about us having a relationship, never texted first, and just let me go.

    • Secret dreams for 2020
    1. people come to me first
    •  so I don't have to hunt them down it'd be easier and less lonely or, wildly random...
      • and think about the good times we could have together and almost kind of have had– if they are relatives or friends or logically anyone- send  message or media to me that anyone would, target their personal message which I would have more of, more to my liking? 
        • How:
          • I think about people and wish more of what they like to them like some creepy person so I wish the same for me (giving gifts, generosity, the time spent, things learnt, things seen and won together)
              • whatsapp, instagram, messenger, email, message all the written thing can be also verbal
    • finding new social connections of people that don't judge, are friendly towards me and interested or open. 
    • /I don't want to have a shining big personality and people get attrated to it, because,the bullshit in their life needs to be spoken about, in therapy, etc

    about myself ③ things I'm going to ❤️:

    1. how intimidating I can look🦹🏻
    2. how professional and big adult I can grow into be and still, 
    3. stay carefr€€ a$$ if adulting was a thing of the past yo,
    🌏🌍🌎🧻A slump in a 🔅🔆gloomy way that rolls out your tongue🆗 when you gravitate towards love song🔚

    https://yearcompass.com/   <- there is Finnish as an option too