Omat maailmani taas

Mulla on likainen olo. Olen nukkunut koko päivän. Sen verran kirjoitin eilen. Tänään oli pakko nousta, kun tuodaan jotain bataattihässäkkää ...


tiistai 10. joulukuuta 2019

Admitting to censorship before it's too late *nothing to see here*

Moving on. Gotta keep showing up. I have places to be, bus card to use, things to take with me, clothes on my back. Health to take care of no matter ugly things get. If I'd really done something discriminating I'd be the last person you'd show your screenshots to.
If there's one thing anyone control it's the smile on your face and the tears you hold back but also how many pictures you take. It's ok to not take any and when you do you shouldn't get criticised for it. Time will heal that shit up. There are others who have it worse than yourself. Everything tends to work out.
If anyone literally could comfort me right now. Been strong too long.
I haven't got appetite.
Salty kisses or a phone call with mom could maybe break me right now.
All the busyness is inside your mind.
I don't need anybody because you can't rely on anyone to save you.
Don't look at this text. My heart is on your hand so please crush it to another million pieces. I'll never pick up. I'm in the dark place. I'm in the horror movie that was cursed. I have the depression and though not medicated for it I just want to give up and die but that'd be even messier. Hold on to old habits. Smile. Remember whose the lesson. Loneliness can be a resource. Bad reputation might still attract interest from wrong kind of people. Help is always given to those who know how to ask. Random perverts only wanting me through a glory hole or to stretch my pussy or fuck my ass if they ask nicely. I'm not interested in any one of my options. I'm not desperate for fuck's sake. Pee is kind of sterile too and everyone is pissed off at me and I just think who started the pissing competition. I am able to leave everybody alone. No need to persecute me.
Oh, but don't they all. Thinking I have some sort of grandeour beliefs about myself. It's hard to see what other people even mean. Gotta read that shit upside down while I'm eating their mom's pussy in front of their two-faced backstabbing "I didn't like your ex but I see how he left you" kind of mean. It was me who stopped wearing the engagement ring. Bound me up and spit me out again.