What in the Asexual Did My Mind Step Over and Forget? 💩💩💩💩

Am I autistic? I completely missed the part in Forrest Gump where his mother sleeps with the principal to get him into school. Only now do I realize what was happening in that scene—the principal's awkward noises, Forrest mimicking them as he walks away—it was funny, sure, but the subtext? Gone. Right over my head.

So I did what any confused person does: I Googled "missing sexual cues meaning." Turns out, this is a common thing. Like when I was watching Charmed as a kid, I had no idea how much of the show revolved around dating, attraction, and showing off bodies. That awareness only hit me much later.

Flirting? Also dead in the water. My ex flirted with everyone, and I didn’t notice. A teacher once thought I was winking at him, but no, I just have a lazy eye. Some people pick up on attraction immediately when they enter a room. Meanwhile, I need subtitles and a PowerPoint presentation to catch on.

Then there’s the whole question of whether I even want to pick up on it. The world runs on attraction, but I’m happy in my bubble. The idea of "assuming" everyone experiences some level of attraction baffles me. Blissful ignorance sounds a lot better than always seeing hints, cues, and unwanted attention everywhere. Accepting stares isn’t fun—it’s annoying. It can ruin my day. And yes, I am allowed to walk around with my jacket open. People need to relax.

Asexuality is a spectrum. Being a virgin is a choice. And for me, "budding" into what people call a woman’s sexual awakening didn’t happen until my 20s. Before that? I platonically fell in love twice with a guy I wouldn’t have touched.

I went to a kink munch this winter about asexuality. A few newcomers had never even heard of it. I had a long conversation with a woman who claimed attraction was the first thing she noticed when entering a room. Really? I told her I don’t see it, feel it, or whatever. I must be demented. If a lack of sexuality were a form of being gay, I’d be the gayest person alive.

Then there’s the whole idea of pleasure and attraction. People talk about "symptoms of seeing something you like"—but what does that even mean? If attraction means letting every thought spiral into some moral-free fantasy, that sounds exhausting. And frankly, kind of invasive when it crosses into fetishization. I’ve had enough of that from random strangers online, men from Ghana and Morocco who think a bigger body is an open invitation. It’s disgusting. I block them immediately. I got issues, it's not someone else's obsession.

Asexuality often gets ignored in discussions about gender and rights. People assume that sexuality, in some form, is universal. But it’s not. Some of us just aren’t playing that game. And yet, we’re still expected to fit into society’s framework of desire and relationships. If I don’t feel the "norm," am I the broken one—or is the world just built around an assumption I never signed up for?

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Sources:

• Healthline on Sexual Tension

• My observations and life experiences

• Conversations with friends, including one who, despite her views, makes valid points

• Asexuality Visibility and Education Network

• Wikipedia on Sexual Desire and Intimate Relationships

Kirjoituksessa pohditaan aseksuaalisuuden vaikutusta siihen, kuinka seksuaaliset vihjeet jäävät huomaamatta. Esimerkkinä on Forrest Gump -elokuvan kohtaus. Myös lapsena katsotut sarjat, kuten Charmed, näyttäytyvät nyt eri valossa—silloin ei tajunnut, kuinka paljon niissä keskityttiin vetovoimaan ja kehojen esittelyyn.

Flirttailu on toinen asia, joka on mennyt ohi. Kirjoittaja ei huomannut exänsä jatkuvaa flirttailua, ja jopa opettaja luuli laiskan silmän aiheuttamia silmäniskuja tarkoitukselliseksi. Jotkut ihmiset havaitsevat vetovoiman heti, mutta kirjoittaja ei tunnista sitä lainkaan.

Aseksuaalisuus on spektri, ja kirjoittaja kertoo omasta kokemuksestaan, jossa seksuaalinen herääminen tapahtui vasta myöhemmin elämässä. Talvella hän osallistui kink-munchiin, jossa monille aseksuaalisuus oli täysin uusi käsite. Hän haastaa yhteiskunnallisen oletuksen, että kaikki kokevat jonkinlaista seksuaalista vetovoimaa, vaikka näin ei ole.

Kirjoitus käsittelee myös fetisointia ja sitä, kuinka inhottavaa on tulla objektivoiduksi esimerkiksi internetissä. Lopuksi pohditaan, miksi maailma olettaa seksuaalisuuden olevan universaali kokemus, vaikka monille se ei ole.