116-128 kgs 2016-2024 fluctuation in 8 years more than I would've thought

 I have been losing a few kgs because I am sweating in this summer hotness I’m not used to because the climate is supposed to be cold!

Watched a bit of Stockholm Solution on prime video. It said anorexia is a coincidence of when people exercise too much, too little eating, that they forget to be satiated. I remember that study where people got starved and they fell sick. So it must be true just like being obese is a complicated food relationship. These things don’t get fixed with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar every night.

Overestimate your food intake and underestimate your exercise is how people maintain?

The reason I have been weighing this much is the medication and initial sudden weight gain of ten kilograms per year in psychiatric care. I have lived on my own since 2012, had one long relationship in my life which sucked me dry financially. Basically he never paid his part of the rent. But I have almost been able to control myself the diet I can have. It's not been good. Mostly I wanted to eat fast, cheap, convenient, bland foods a lot or drink my calories.

Quit cigarettes and soda recently. I used to drink a big bottle of pepsi max in about an hour give or take half an hour.

I've done two dietbets of losing 4% of body weight but it has included cheating and I've won. I've been puking because I've been afraid to weigh over 120 kgs.

I have a goal this summer to lose 10kg in 10 weeks but I'm... well a goal it is. Good. There's a free ghetto gym in the building downstairs and I have a sort of loud vintage stationary bike that gets me sweaty in ten minutes. There aren't many walking opportunities nearby. A hospital is nearby and I walked around that one day. My forehead sweats so much. I might have gotten used to the hot weather already though.

today's breakfast oatmeal with cottage cheese and a strawberry-banana-protein powder shake. Yesterday I made a mozzarella-black pepper and olive sauce-tomato salad for lunch. My unhealthiest food item I get is white bread or sliced toast... I have it with cheese and ham

I try not to waste food. Spat out some tofu today though and accidentally swallowed some haha

I'm just 165 cm or 5"5. My bmi is over forty but I have healthy/perfect muscle mass according to my body composition scales... I am low on water and protein(?) Don't really get meat because can't afford to and have not learned to cook steaks or red meat

I'm on diabetes meds, cholesterol meds, abilify injection, bupropion for quitting cigarettes and sleeping with a cpap sleep apnea mask. I have hidradenitis suppurativa boils or lesions on my groins sometimes and they leave a bit of scarring.

I like to take care of myself... I blog daily too and have had a million visitors since I started over ten years ago. I just drift from one activity and gadget, to another aimlessly, trying to do chores and nap in between.

I have had one long distance secret lover since 2011 maybe but he's currently in the United States. Not many friends I have, mostly talk with inappropriate guys online about meeting and they flake... My bestie is also my past fifty year old landlord's representative. Mom and I have a difficult relationship. Sometimes took me to do groceries when she lived here. Family matters are complicated, she probably would not even come to my funeral if my father were there. I do have half siblings and not much contact with them either.

Recently I had plans to improve my smile and dental appearances/health. So I'm seeing that content a lot. I'd love to be flexible but the meds made me stiff and have pain if I forced myself to stretch muscles any more than rigidly usual... I'd love to do pilates, yoga, badminton or dog walking. I've seen about a thousand movies in my lifetime already. or series. sci-fi, fantasy, adventure mostly

Audiobooks I listen to, recently acquired mostly books written by doctors kinda ironic. Doing tik toks and penpalling mail art crafting things so my table is a mess even with the ikea pieces to organize what's on it.

Hey. I'm

• Sensible
• Emotionally versatile
• Open
• Industrious
• Communicative
• Gentle
• Innovative
• Resourceful
• Perceptive
• Supportive
• Introspective
• Idealistic
• Well-organized
• Charismatic
• Energetic
• Distant
• Understanding
• Observant
• Dependable
• Efficient
• Practical
• Entrepreneurial
• Outgoing
• Logical
• Friendly
• Dark
• Fiery
• Artistic
• Rational
• Experiential
• Perfectionist
• Analytical
• Independent
• Introvert
• Unique
• Intelligent
• Structured
• Creative
• Dreamy

according to the Replika chat bot ai I talked to on and off

I had two years of psychotherapy. I need someone to be the devil or angel on my shoulder whispering to me to do more indoor cardio and pick up the kettlebell downstairs gym for more than a minute. Get me to walk or just remind me to drink water. These things don't just happen. ain't nobody got time for that.