springety spring spring f****

 "season" is pretty ambiguous. Is it schizophrenic season or soft season, is there no reason. szn. I like to wear black velvet pants, leggins with pockets, jeans not so much, all kinds of v-neck shirts or tshirts. I love me a red and black striped shirt. I need to get new shoes, because I typically wear everything to bits. Or I don't wear something except once a year when I find if off my floor, still a bit not fresh. Right now I feel hot in this boyfriend or granpa shirt, literally too hot. I was listening to audiobooks and then got steamy with myself under a blanket on the sofa. These stiletto nails really give more friction.

I wrote a few quotes on my journal for a swap I'm doing. I've got a dozen pages so far written. Not sure how to decorate. Don't wanna just stickerslap. There's still time (to drop out from it lol)

I brought into play to bed the dog I bought from USA with like two hundred dollars that was custom made from my friend's terrier into a soft toy. Last night I just missed things. Someone from the live.me app said she remembered my energy and vibe from when she started. That's kinda happy to hear but hard to believe. People do change. They get cynical after being bullied, or as they say in Finland: "bitter"

What to do with anything. I got a home delivery of some food but it's so expensive. Food. I don't know how I will survive a week.

Ate Finnish pastry this morning which I never do. Kinda wanna open that kiddies candy bag too. It's just nothing else I usually eat. I hate eating so gotta be gentle toward myself and allow whatever coz still have to get those calories. I've not got under 120 kg since 2015. 122-126 it's yo-yo'd for years. So maybe 270 lbs to under 280 or whatever I used to be like eight stone.

Just sit and grow my haemorrhoids. There's snow hanging of all the trees. But it's light, sun shone, it's warm inside. Less darkness every day for a blink. Got a roof on top. All's great. Stop being so obsessed with the past, or you ain't going anywhere. I know we're in love, just don't see me so gross and morbid. If everything matters, we're all matter but never touching on a molecular level. Have me in your head or my thoughts, well I don't mean to its just communication. Electrical and chemical messages in your brains. Usually most are the same from day to day. 

Nothing from the early 2010's has survived on my iphones even. Really tough to get a whiff of 2015-2017 or 2012-2014? Maybe one class reunion, my ex or our dog in a photo, the tshirt I got or got him. My blonde hair lavender with a starbucks coffee in hand from the store, on weheartit account or photobucket, or a memory card from a digital camera, shots with nokia phone too from hospital. Screenshots, cats, zuckerberg doing an ice bucket challenge.

It's all media. Get back on your feet from that blow. I don't care I'll stay down the eight time I fall.