pe 19.4- klo 19.44

 Kävin juttelemassa psyk. hoitsulle. Se ei ollut sama jolle yleensä kevennän mieltäni (koska olin ajoissa! niin joo ja kahvin ja munkin ehdi...


maanantai 30. toukokuuta 2022

Sharpest pencil in the case

 I'm so fucking pissed off at myself that my stomach hurts!!!! Cutting back on counting calories is a bit too late!! I took a million fucking photos of myself on the phone out of fucking spite trying to find anything visually good about myself!!! I just fell back against the kitchenette beam like I usually do, when one gives the fuck up, and squatted until the back of my shanks went numb and started to prickle. I was so hopping mad. Friend called, I told her I was boiling yet I missed the call frying four eggs on toast. She'd been downtown! It would take me forever to ever go there for I am so extra I need to wear one of my designer TRASH bags as shirt.

I listened to too much music. Drank too much lavender tea. There is a thing like being too gay, in the happy sense of the word?

POO. Was talking to a friend in my DM's and also facebook page's customer portal, phone and laptop, snapchat. The usual bombing of messages for no reason but that we hadn't for 5 days.... It is also World MS Day, and for some random can't remember what reason I contacted one old friend of mine from Finnish high school, just asking how it's going! Not going on about myself!

I got a post card from the Netherland. 7 days it travelled from her rainy hectic mind of studying hard, the greetings, beautiful card which I was glad to receive! Yes it said Netherland on the stamp?! Not the Netherlands.

Did I know, what my last name means, in Dutch? Hell was I born with a Swedish name that means blooming if it's in a compound word with another Swedish word? Wh o kn ew !!!! Not my best friend and I, who joke about it. She's a flowering petal or a leaf herself. We are often mistaken as a lesbian couple or something, though it's not like I had a keen eye for noticing what other people assume. Sus. Biased.

I have to wash the clothes from last week, do the laundry. My ragged clothes are kinda getting old. Take this blue Articuno tshirt for example. I hate round necklines. I hate my neckline. I don't flaunt my ass usually out and about downtown either, cover it up with longer piece. Just because she the BFF complains about the asses on show and so don't we all jealous women who ain't got but flat asses. Maybe it's the same girl we are seeing???

Anyways nothing original to report... just the shit I'm about to give birth too and the headache I'm about to need medication for. No worries land of plenty... didn't even spend all the money on the food, which I had.

I need to get rid of anxiety. I need to be the bad guy, who is so selfish they'd go to fucking space for a few minutes to feel weightless. Or just you know, Isle of Wight that retirement not retardedness somewhen.

Who gives? I'm not going to be celebrating the luck in hockey games of my country breaking many curses. The media is a pretty ass fucking liar who is glad in her heart I exist, while I could fucking wonder and gape at her!!!

*contemplates for a bit about her reasons of being born* Room for all you stupidest and less feeling like bastards such as myself. Dance to your "own" 90's music... bye.