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lauantaina, syyskuuta 26

The light at the end of a tunnel is just the light from the operating table after your sex change doctor directs it to your ratinas

I'm tired. Birthday party was delicious and my family was nice. Hugged my uncle when he thrust his hand in front of me. Can't remember the last time I had done that. At some point at coffee table his face was red from the eye line downwards. I was probably flushed too randomly just talking and wine. Table manners were posh and company engaging. It's hard to get words in the middle of the conversation. I had to bite my tongue a lot and let others finish. Topics changed and flowed. Told a joke and I opened a window for a lost bee. Confessed about amount of my debts when confronted about money...

There was some laughter at unfortunates of old people. Like driving out of habit over a road that no longer existed and hitting a traffic sign getting a flat tire. I got advice on being nice, and taking part in any possible research: when I get care from healthcare professionals. My parent had google'd possible complications of my future procedure, but I'm not sure if the results I had were that bad or if people just explained experiences they had before it.

I told them I'd written in my organ donor online that my brain can be studied. Not sure if Swedes would be interested in a disordered brain like one of my online friends had told about her mom's brains they'd been delivered there she helped to organise. If I remember correctly. It would be a relief to get a confirmation post mortem that I did not have an illness. If any relatives still were alive when I've died. Who knows.

White chocolate cake I brought home. Two lettuce leaf cucumber tomato salads with feta and Finnish leipäjuusto or nuts on top, boiled potato, chicken breasts, salmon and meat slices, sauces (I do not like blue cheese "yet") bread and cheese spread, wine. Cheese platter, cookies, the cake with sweet decorations and cups of coffee. A mascarpone strawberry creamy dessert in the middle. Fasting tomorrow haha

Also my dad said the n word again while driving me home. I think it was pretty excessive.

Got home, paid phone bills, peeled off my new plastic gift cards of value total two hundred euros sliding them to my wallet. Smoked a cig. Turned on TV. Ordered a personal birthday message from an actor who isn't probably even awake yet lmao

Hoping he'd proof on the video to confirm my English is fluent so I can use it on my cv or wherever unlike the children born '08 on TikTok laugh about (those monsters think it isn't hateful yet) that I'd read out loud google translate on my videos and tag their friend about my accent being worse than their UGH

Clearly I know facts. I was sent a statistic about covid deaths and how much more old people had died of other illness in comparison. "maybe Sweden is right" allowing people to do whatever the fuck they want as if no covid-19

Dunnoes. Blood is thick but genes work mysterious ways. None have musical tendencies it's all in the upbringing. Nature vs nurture

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