torstaina, toukokuuta 23, 2019

The mysterious case of my old blog (daisyshock @livejournal)

Was kind of ready to face the day, when I woke up around noon. I learned about my blog I'd kept in 2008 and 2009 on livejournal in English. Apparently someone hadn't remembered their (well, not 'their' blog) password and I should laugh at them. 

Well... I re-read what I wrote.. I hid some of it but only because it's too hard to handle emotionally for me. The family says they, loved me but I laugh at family bonding. I never had loving adults and they taught my sister to avoid me as if she didn't get permission to even talk to me on the cell. She said to me things like, "your eyes are so small" and "ew." Just never wanting to get to know me. Talking to her friends about me like I wasn't her sister.

The only reason I was obsessed with that band was because I couldn't avoid it or hearing the music that drove me mad. I've pretty succesfully avoided anything to do with them for years already.
But yeah, it was a bit of a flashback to what it was like back then. Words just flowed off me and they filled the gaps in my reasoning. Heck, I'd actually even use the word "somewhen" like the inbred Isle of Wight people do. I started typing from scratch didn't plan my sentences and hurried it all. Like I was going away. But also my Finnish must've been bad.

Have I had years to perfect my Finnish textual skills by now? Or have I formed my own way of blogging. Neither, I'm wagering.

I really liked going to the gym in 2008. It was open 18 hours. I wanted to weght 8-9 stone. That is 50-57 kilograms. I write about perspiration, fat percentage, snacks at the gym, being fit... but apparently I also had back problems.

I was sleeping for a long time again today. Perhaps 12+ hours. Got dressed, had a cigarette, started typing my blog address after I found out it'd been tried to hack into... it's cashews and dried cranberries I've only got into my mouth yet. I feel like I could learn from myself from back then. I was just trying to impress without knowing true meaning behind some words. Like mental health. Sure I'd read about it a lot in books and magazines but... sometimes it's ignoring, when you're being a called, a mental whore who should go to hell

Like, I'm already there.

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