Friendly and social media to stay afloat on

Going to a pizza buffet with mom. The driving weather is bad as it is snowing. She promised me her ironing iron. I sometimes iron some of my bedding.

This morning weight was under 120kgs with clothes on. I should keep this up. Yesterday was pretty good. Ate around 1200 kcals or a bit over but was on the stationary bike half an hour leisurely pace. 

My long distance guy felt icky and sick yesterday. I couldn’t fathom that from his face picture he sent. I listened to a lot of love songs myself. He said he’d surprised himself for being responsible to have a streak with me for so long. Well, I must’ve not been too difficult or a time eater then? 

Without him my rock bottom would be just freefalling deeper into rocks. I self sabotaged enough what we have online on platforms and apps by kicking him out. I’d be too jealous of what I’ve had with him too. 

Talked for a week until I almost lost my voice when he was here. I don’t usually use my voice. Who to make an effort for?

I’m on autopilot just meditating naturally. Too good English isn’t my native language. Can switch between Finnish and that. I feel a longing to be part of Finnish society and be one of them but I don’t listen to their songs or eat their candy or pastries and I’m not a sauna person either. I want the best of all that’s in this world instead of putting blinders on and be satisfied in the Finnish media bubble.