Hiki ei haise vaan ne bakteerit :o

 Helvetti mitä helvettiä. Aloin puuhastella. Nostelin pyykkiin haisevia vaatekasoja. Laitoin 120 punnan arvoisen harmaan sängynpeitteen säng...

maanantai 12. kesäkuuta 2023

Excuse me while I complain about living

 All the small things make me high maintenance these days. It's been a year I started to need to get rid of coarse chin chair. I have to take diabetes medication these days. Without hair dye I'd have roots different color. I can't just sleep, I have to do laundry and dishes, and the robot vacuum has to be cleaned. I have to put makeup and do skincare. It's not much but it's more than an hour per day if a guy decides to jog half an hour before work and after it. I can't just order food I have to cook some. If I wanted to exercise sexual health with a guy, I'd have to participate in cheating their wife. It's just none of my busyness. I don't have energy for manicures and pedicures, but I'll clip my persistent nails that grow thicker. I'll wear clothes because I even though I don't enjoy smoking cigarettes, I may have started being a smoker again. Fill my life with more things so I'd forget that habit, and get rid of triggers. My English still isn't perfect. What's a comma and can I just leave them out all-together? Maybe I should study some fantasy language so I'd learn how to learn a language. I keep playing on my phone. I might not have a hump but posture is bad. I don't have much fitness or am in any shape. I have muscle because it supports my fat. Guys called me things in bed I don't identify with or choke me and don't really see fact from fiction. I have a gaming mouse but no games and even my laptop isn't a PC. It's hard to find clothes. I have sleep apnea and I'm mentally ill apparently cuz mom threw me out and I lived at grandparents for as long as I did in that oldfashioned rehab home. I lost my virginity at 21 years of age. I never wanted any of my life and like I was accused as a kid of things I wasn't to blame, I blame my immediate family for ruining my life. Everyone will take my money but their help is fake. In my only serious relationship he lived off my pension, or social benefits and never paid his part of rent. I used to swap through mail these friendshipbooks, slams etc and I only get returnd ones other people have made for me. I craft a bit and draw but very rarely grab my art tools. It's not about creating or being an artist, I need something to draw. I've written these blog posts worth a few books but not really make money out of it at all. I just lost ads and someone fixed them for me for thirty euros. I agreed because I thought it'd be in dollars, but these things mess with my budget. I can't save money because if I had a thousand euros laying about, they could take me in the ward again for some none existent reason probably. I have some bad credit score markings but they used to be perfect A. My television is from 2012 but I change my iPhone often enough. I don't have energy to use the vr glasses I bought. I hardly use the stove for cooking. I haven't made fries in my oven for a year then. I want to see movies but tickets have got so expensive and so have stamps if I wanted to write letters to pen pals. I have some diaries but I have always so much to update. I can only concentrate for an hour. Actively listening to audiobooks I've added to my library 11 years ago, is hard to finish those too. I want to have house parties but I'm messy. My recent collection is probably cardboard boxes of food items. I used to go to book releasing meet ups and get a book or two for free but I rarely read them. No appeal. Not much calls to me theses days. I'm in a group of two other women who are friends, I have a best friend and then a young lady who is very troubled too, but we keep in contact. My half-siblings certainly don't. I get banned from groups easily for no reason and therefore maybe miss out on community based activities. The only contact I have a good one is to the free healthcare. I had bad endometriosis for years, so I decided to get an operation on my womb so I'm not getting children or periods anymore. I have a hidradenitis suppurativa which isn't rare just not talked about. I'm rare and not talked about. What is there to talk about left? I've always had a depression vibe. I've always been early. Not just to trends but like, appointments and everything, weddings. I'm like a photographer with thousands of photos that nobody asked of me or an email account full of emails from mailing lists I didn't already subscribe out of in 2006, 2016, just 6/16 

gigabytes left maybe of space in a space that's not supposed to have a limit lol



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