Can't hold onto anything today

 So used to getting reprimanded with the tone of someone's voice that even my tired brain picks up on it. Thanks to my childhood. Trying to forget, overcome, be more like a slime or a jack-in-the-box.

Goal: survive the month like many others are probably doing, but also NOT WAKE UP 3AM unable to get back to sleep having maybe 2-3 hours sleep. It's not a good idea right now to have a cider and two beers. I'm used to being dehydrated, malnourished (being obese is kind of a malnourishment) but sleep deprivation at work is pretty new. It shows itself as resting my head on my curled arms over the table(similar just like one I've at home just messy), and towards the end of my shift, probably not really concentrating on given instructions that might be insufficient cause; I seem to know what I'm doing even though: I've not made a similar print product before. Appreciate me not sometimes...

No, tomorrow is off. Never forget, misunderstand forever.

I remember who was in my dream 3am. My mom's other children's father's brother. No idea why. He doesn't even look like my current angel investor crush the billionaire Elona Mushky. Don't remember a lot just that it was so surprising? As if he'd been altruistic over me or protect me from, no I think the roles were reversed, actually no idea. Must've seen into the past of like when mom found my stepdad or something, which I do not want to think any more than she's left it behind.

So, that was kinda useless but self recognition is a step to self actualization! Says club self lovers!

Not sure what to type. Been so self-absorbed and normalizing laziness, and really just an addicted personality on autopilot. Sometimes not thinking, good, sometimes new things require think. Think before you commit to anything. Stop arguing and walk away! Pause is only human, like pooping breathing eating-- no content is good, sales will not sell without resource-- demand and supply chain, no hack. Just look at the people in walmart memes.

Whose gonna survive another pandemic? Deniers, rich or young or whose blind-folded themself, or biased or those on handouts? ...if the independent thought is rooted within their own self like a ...well one of those tested and true conspiracy theories that make a good story but I don't mean that either I just hope you can catch yourself before catching a sickness. 

Not really into mental things, only harmony and intuition and feeling the atmosphere in a room or predetermined openness to experience without blame of poor self *add word here*

Paper, scissors, rock. Today was a scissors day in a world of paper but I didn't sleep like a rock I'm afraid.