Don't give others a spark or just light them up

 Looking truth squarely in the face because there's no round way to look at it.

I went on the scales this morning to weigh myself and was under 123 kgs. I still don't exercise. I don't sit on my butt all day like people like to believe and tell me. Mostly I rest in a horizontal position when I give up on my will to live. 

Even when I weighed 66kgs I was told I was lying about how much I did and only I knew myself what I'd do, why and how I'd done it and there was no time to be on the computer except nights. I swam, walked, went to gym, I had goals to meet and burn every bottle of pepsi and every tin of pringles or milk chocolate bars.

It was really disappointing to be called a liar about my own achievements. What a put down. I'm still afraid to lose weight. I hate food just as much as did when mom made it, if she even made food as a fridge parent... I was a picky eater apparently

Creativity is demanding.  My personality is many things like, easily addicted. I don't do stuff half-way. I don't leave things hanging. I don't regret. Sure I have chores and cleaning and projects but I never know where to start. It's all too much in my head where I left off. Not to mention how gaining skill opens up new opportunities.

Tomorrow is an eating disorder awareness day. I'm waiting for a food delivery. I purchased like 30 items again. I have packages in the mail to pick up and drop off a letter...

Some guy who wants to get to know me and meet me on mornings before work said he bought me adult toys. This morning he was too busy and I was too exhausted as well... I was on a tiktok live almost until 11pm held by an expat from Usa who lives in Tampere as well. He mentioned moomin and wanting to be drawn as one so I asked my illustrator friend about her prices. I don't think he'll actually go through with it after all he's just an American talking bullshit and not really investing in art... I know his mind goes like "how can I TikTok about this" and wouldn't it be funny 

Humor isn't all there is. Drama is boring. Action is mindless violence with plot being an adventure from point A to B. Fantasy isn't relatable and horror degrades women. Reality isn't real and you can't spoil interactions if they've been scripted unless you'd never done it before in which case you'll produce bloopers a lot... sorry I don't know how to put commas in that sentence, it became a bit long

First of all I got into problems because of my online writings. Honestly.