anonyymit pysykää poissa! Kerjääminen kielletty

4.8.18

If this is what being an adult means I don't want it...

Yesterday the guy I've dated four years brought a woman that is a neighbor to our flat around 3-4 PM and she stayed fifteen minutes until 1AM.

That is also the longest time I've cried by the way in the past (just occurred to me; just a coincidence).

She hoovered the floor a little bit because she's a cleaning lady but also drank a lot of the beer he had bought for her. It was as if they were having a fun date on my expense and obviously I got anxious about things they said or whispered to each other. He calling them "us", because they she's half a day older than him. She telling him what I told her about something minor bothering me and he thought it was something else though I had said about it to him many times. A week ago they went swimming together and when she left, he wanted to see her again that day (or "tomorrow" which is the same thing.)

I could've gone with them if he had given me more time to think about instead of shouting from the door that, 'you're not coming, are you!'

Sure, I've cheated on him in the past and he knows it all but being totally ignored by him hurt. He's an a*hole and never has cared about me. Please do fall in love with her you piece of s**t.

I really hope he doesn't pay her for the "cleaning" she did, and would apologize to me. I spent all night listening to Saddest Songs Ever playlist from my phone.

After the "couple therapy" we had he's been more cheerful for no reason known to me. He's changed his attitude towards me, I think. I analyze a lot and I hear them when they think I don't.

What future can we even have. How can we make life easier for each other. 
Fuck the "therapist" retired old lady and her fucking questions. Fuck this fucking fucker who flirts with everyone and spends time on sites for sexworkers and other entertainment sites. If he can't get it up and blames his blood pressure etc conditions for not ejaculating etc almost has a heart attack every time, like -- how's that sex supposed to work for us?

I wish he'd left me alone years ago. I must picture him packing up his things and leaving. I'd rather be single than anything else.

Yes he has been crazier than normal recently. His last words to me last night were "höpöhöpö" or as if I was ridiculous for apologizing they were in love trying to shut me up as if I had been saying anything the past few hours.

He's at work now, but how can he when he doesn't go to work if he's even hangover etc zero tolerance he has. How can I ever trust anything he says, either. I can imagine him grinding his dick into that hag. I hope he just waited until we are over. It's not as if I loved him, anyway - not sure how I feel about him. Perhaps I've been wrong about him all this time.

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