anonyymit pysykää poissa! Kerjääminen kielletty


work of non-fiction

Dear blog, good evening. It's been a long day. Most of it I slept... I can't remember taking the dog for a walk, though I did at some point. Woke up finally around 6pm, got out, ate neighbours food, went to the store, sold my exercise ball for a pack of cigarettes. Did my nails and put on makeup and shot a photo of me, with them. I've been a bit disorientated all day, fiance wasn't home. I've drank an energy drink and I feel like I could stay up late, get my sleeping cycle even more messed up.
Yesterday I watched an anorexia documentary, so I had only eaten less than 500 kcals worth of yogurt today, before I joined the barbecue the neighbours were having, so that made me try a bit of everything. I was going to set new rules for eating, because I would die sooner if I stopped eating rather than complications of being obese, and I would rather die young and skinny. I was going to because you can get addicted to the feeling of being hungry, too. It isn't a nice feeling, because it comes with tiredness... but it's the same thing, surfing the web mindlessly, or laying down doing nothing but with the company of your own thoughts. I doubt anyone noticed if I was gone for a day, two days, a week or months. They might notice after two years, why the hell did she come back?
It's been the end of me for so long, though.

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