6.7.17

how do you do...

Hating myself, because that's what you do, don't you? (not in a way I'd try anything. read on.)
Today went pretty quick? Went to a market square to buy those bleepin potatoes. From all that walking on my thigh bursted an infected pimple, or what things they are. My thighs rub together and it's sweaty, so the glands of hair particles or uhh don't really know the exact words to this one... but I should fine with some deodorant and talc down there to prevent them. as if...
So what else have I done but clenching my thigh and trying to squeeze puss and blood out... hmmm!!! rhetorogical sorryness. but yeah I'm awesome otherwise... last night I vomited, cause I ate too much sweet stuff and I don't really deserve that much treats. I hadn't purged in a loooong while.
I'm getting my pension tomorrow and I have so many bills to pay!! If we can afford rent, I'll be slabbergasted. heh, trying to sound British.. though my articulation tries to be as understandable as fuuuck. I'm not a mystery. I am a woman but if you have some kind of pre-thought assumptions of me, you don't hear the words I speak. (and that sucks)..
but yeah. I'm such a dissapointment. I'm difficult, and I'm strange and weird like, funny. Is it just me or does some dictionary out there think "funny" means something not admirable. like, strange?
Anyways. We are not ambiguous here. If you try being funny all the time, it's possible you use it as an exit from situations. "the back-door of humor" it was called in some gay guy's, biography...
Oh the stuff you learn without trying, too. I hate it, when people say they hate learning. You have to learn, you learn all the time. Your habits evolve and make you who you are. Learning isn't studying, or as if life was a school. You have plenty of time for that hate of learning when, you are dead... and death is kinda mandatory for us all. When you cease to exist. Even if there was a part of us trapped in this world like, After, then that life you couldn't be conscious of anything, the ghost wouldn't be you - it would be something we don't understand- a shadow or imprint or, well... a pulse that remained??
Hmmm. (read: sigh) all this serious busyness and not even. I'm no good at conclusions.

intp | adult | female | taken | diagnosed 2009 for crazy | weight~125 kg | happy 247

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