Fiance is sleepy. He came back from Tallinn last night. It's soon 9am and he's still asleep. I hav to wake him up or take the dog out soon.
I was thinking how there was a candy wrapper in my room in mental hospital, that came there after the night I've slept in my room. idk, maybe he was wanking or listening me sleep i dunno... creepy. I remember my phone disappearing that night from under my pillow. I sleep tight. I wonder why on earth would anyone prescribe me sleeping pills. The drug they were injecting made me sleep restlessly.. didn't figure that out?
Anyways, last night I purged like a kilo of stuff. I don't even... you know, what I'm doing when I shop. I'm wearing a "hope" rubber bracelet, it's purple for bulimia. I don't know if I have binge eating disorder or what.
Watched ep.15 of Walking Dead last night until there was an error code and no more saved television shows could be watched. I should've spent my time alone at home better... a movie, read a book, done a ritual or medidated, anything. I was pretty upset with my back though, as it had been bothering me the whole week.
Three more weeks to go of cleaning... then it's Beltane/May Day already.
I put some goddess/fertility symbol charms together (2) yesterday and made a necklace.
I should send three photography atc's today, when we go to the shop to get my mail.
Why am I even writing in English. I guess my blog won't translate well. I want some pen pals that are wiccan. I got to know some internet friends on a young women's magazine's website about ten years or more, ago and they were fun since I lived in a small place and didn't make too many friends. I've always had a friend or friends, though. Except when I didn't want any. It's not like I had zero social skills, like I was assessed once. He also wrote that I have some kind of a fantasy world of my own. Bollocks.
Yesterday I did a PowerPoint presentation of a book in class. I still need to write something about it, but I'm not good at giving my opinion or summarising essays or whatever.
I bleached my hair yesterday evening before the purge... It's all kind of yellow but light now.
We have some sort of a party to attend to today. I even bought a dress for it. It's hideous and it was expensive... I don't know how I will cope. I'm just so fat I need to wear tents. I could honestly get used to a cape.
Yeah, fiance brought me black liquorice liquor from Tallinn. He's an idiot. I don't like salmiakki at all. He remembered wrong, an honest mistake. I thought at first he was joking. I prepared for making sex on the beach, I bought orange and cranberry juice... purged that mysterious black drink I prepared then. My tummy was in flames, I felt hot and sweaty and the scales was showing my highest weight...
so naturally I did what I did.
I think I'll go on the balcony again for a cigarette.