Dear, Violet
Bohemian!First of
all I got interested in your profile’s pepparkakor part… it’s Swedish for
gingerbread biscuits J In my language they are piparkakut, a neighbouring
country to Sweden a.k.a. Finland. I have some dough in my freezer right now and
I should make some for the second time this festive time. Shops also sell them
a lot in different makers and names and chocolate-covered etc. Usually they are
decorated with sugar paste that can come in many colours.
This is the mental hospital of
Pitkäniemi (long peninsula). I’ve been there no more than a few times. Rooms
are cold, people are crazy, nurses leave you all on your own, you can’t go
outside or anywhere, the corridor is 100 steps long.I was in
normal weight (well, just about. I had been exercising like crazy and the
doctor just noted that this was not true. I’m still feeling like what anything
matters then, if you can just pass all my achievements like that.)I gained
about 10 kilos in 4 months. There isn’t anything to do except wait for food times.
In rehab I gained about 10 kilos per year. On my own (getting to decide what to
eat and how to exercise, If at all) I’ve gained 10 kilos in less than three
years. I moved on my own in April 2012.When I was
taken to that hospital by ambulance, from health centre, after taking to a
nurse and the social work people I heard some nurses laughing that there
someone goes to Pitkäniemi again, in passive… Nurse had said she can’t help me.
What’s wrong with collecting pear seeds to get a kilo to kill myself? I had
seen someone offer money for a kilo of pear seeds on some gardening forum and
my msn messenger guy Randy Bullock talked about it. I didn’t understand what they said then,
because never heard of the hospital and didn’t quite understand the institution
I was held in. Of course I repealed at first. That I couldn’t even pee because
of being so afraid of being in an institution. My nurse locked me up in solitary
with drugs injected in my ass, because I had just come from a shower and just
had a towel on was edging her with a brush, not to get any closer, because she
was getting to my face and I was half-naked etc. From my diary she said I was
schizoaffective.I was moved
to another mental hospital two times. I got to go out to walk as much I wanted
and even take a bus to the city sometimes, or join their swimming group and
there was a little gym but only once a week I could really exercise. I started
eating white bread and Nutella type spreads and tortilla chips when I got out
shopping. Gained weight like crazy on my few last trips. There was a male
psychologist who examined me. It was kinda clinical and all. According to it I
had no social skills, had autistic logic and lived in my own big world of
fantasy. I don’t think he mentioned anything about my intelligence or great
hand co-ordination skills (with the block test). Not sure I was able to read
the whole A4 paper of colours written in black in the given time, but I didn’t
stop before I said all of them. Not sure what they’d say about that. I guess I
didn’t have abnormal difficulties in saying the word written in another colour
than what it was written on…Bleh. I
hated my first examiner. She had claimed I didn’t look her in the eyes (she had
glasses. I did not) and that I had negative symptoms and my concentration
focused on something of no value/surroundings… How do they know what my
adolescence has been? Are they guessing or are they analysing my journal..? I
have freedom of speech and they have no right read some long sentences of mine
in my face and make their own mind about what’s in them. Perhaps I didn’t mean
Poets of the Fall (“Finnish band”) are paedophiles, maybe I just meant that
when I say it aloud the name of the band sounds like paedophiles. Paedophiles
should get a death sentence, but I guess in our law it’s not yet there. So,
mercy for them. It’s only that I wasn’t a fan, and the singer’s girlfriend
started calling me schizophrenic online though I didn’t know any of them and I
was cut from any place they were talking about the band forum’s and communities.
I felt outcast for no reason, so I felt unsecure and for no reason threatened
the main singer’s life in IRC-galleria (used to be a place for teens to spy on
their classmates etc) by making a community about it.Maybe it’s
why they claimed I had only been on the computer on the Internet and in my own
room, when I didn’t have the time, only at night’s maybe. I also made a report
to the police about my aunt who broke my teeth with her fists when I was 17…
so, police showed up at my grandparents where I was living at that time and
asked my grandparents whether I was
violent. It was late and might have included in the report something about that
singer’s girlfriend too, or “unikissa” as she was named in that gallery site.
Sigh. I was working a few days in an old people’s home until they told me it
wasn’t my place, and in there you might actually hear someone ranting about
“dream cat’s. “, or unique cats... not sure what that nickname means. In Dr.
Sleep there was a cat and the boy from the Shining and they worked together to
help old people to cross over to death.AnywayI should
get laundry from downstairs and I’ve been listening to my new Kiesza CD for
longer than I should in one day. I bought it, so it would be in my top artists
that I listen, on last.fm site. I’ve listened on average 6 songs every day
since 2006… top artists are seether, lady gaga, snow patrol, HIM and Melanie C…
there’s Jennifer Lopez and the 69 Eyes and Evanescence.2008 and
2009 was hard. Because I was losing weight from 80 kilos to 67 kilos, and
living with grandparents. I don’t think they cared much of else except whether
I kept my room clean and I have never been good at that. I tried driving
school, I had difficulties with my Finnish exam from high school. All was going
on, even tries at different city jobs they offered to me. I was taken while I
was at handicrafts centre of my city, where I had lived first 10 years of my
life, but no one remembered me (except for one girl who I had teased in some
outdoor game chasing the flag e.g.) and I had spent my school years on two
different localities. I still don’t own a proper dialect of my country from the
West, because I lived near the coast and also on the countryside and now in
middle of Finland, where people talk the slowest of the country. My dad hates
the coast dialect. There is a joke that goes, what’s the best thing about the
whole city? Answer: Road sign to the other city…Well,I’ve been
writing blogs for about ten years. I started around 2004 or 2003. I was a fan
of Seether since 2003 when they had their song Broken with Amy Lee. I think I
found it on some yahoo music site. People my age then in that countryside
weren’t even sure if they knew what angst was.A Harry
Potter fan I’ve been around 16 years maybe. I read them on 5th or 6th grade.
The girl who recommended them to me, is probably already a doctor. Doing her
thesis on colour sight of diabetic peoples.I met some
of my classmates a few years ago. I had short wild spiky lilac hair. And a
black dress that only fits me now, it was too big then. We did nightclub,
mini-golf, pizza etc. My heart broke when I had to leave them. Like in London
where I was in England as an exchange student 2005-2006, I cried from the
bottom of my heart because I missed my exchange student friends so much after
just a few days seeing each other’s.
This is the mental hospital of
Pitkäniemi (long peninsula). I’ve been there no more than a few times. Rooms
are cold, people are crazy, nurses leave you all on your own, you can’t go
outside or anywhere, the corridor is 100 steps long.I was in
normal weight (well, just about. I had been exercising like crazy and the
doctor just noted that this was not true. I’m still feeling like what anything
matters then, if you can just pass all my achievements like that.)I gained
about 10 kilos in 4 months. There isn’t anything to do except wait for food times.
In rehab I gained about 10 kilos per year. On my own (getting to decide what to
eat and how to exercise, If at all) I’ve gained 10 kilos in less than three
years. I moved on my own in April 2012.When I was
taken to that hospital by ambulance, from health centre, after taking to a
nurse and the social work people I heard some nurses laughing that there
someone goes to Pitkäniemi again, in passive… Nurse had said she can’t help me.
What’s wrong with collecting pear seeds to get a kilo to kill myself? I had
seen someone offer money for a kilo of pear seeds on some gardening forum and
my msn messenger guy Randy Bullock talked about it. I didn’t understand what they said then,
because never heard of the hospital and didn’t quite understand the institution
I was held in. Of course I repealed at first. That I couldn’t even pee because
of being so afraid of being in an institution. My nurse locked me up in solitary
with drugs injected in my ass, because I had just come from a shower and just
had a towel on was edging her with a brush, not to get any closer, because she
was getting to my face and I was half-naked etc. From my diary she said I was
schizoaffective.I was moved
to another mental hospital two times. I got to go out to walk as much I wanted
and even take a bus to the city sometimes, or join their swimming group and
there was a little gym but only once a week I could really exercise. I started
eating white bread and Nutella type spreads and tortilla chips when I got out
shopping. Gained weight like crazy on my few last trips. There was a male
psychologist who examined me. It was kinda clinical and all. According to it I
had no social skills, had autistic logic and lived in my own big world of
fantasy. I don’t think he mentioned anything about my intelligence or great
hand co-ordination skills (with the block test). Not sure I was able to read
the whole A4 paper of colours written in black in the given time, but I didn’t
stop before I said all of them. Not sure what they’d say about that. I guess I
didn’t have abnormal difficulties in saying the word written in another colour
than what it was written on…Bleh. I
hated my first examiner. She had claimed I didn’t look her in the eyes (she had
glasses. I did not) and that I had negative symptoms and my concentration
focused on something of no value/surroundings… How do they know what my
adolescence has been? Are they guessing or are they analysing my journal..? I
have freedom of speech and they have no right read some long sentences of mine
in my face and make their own mind about what’s in them. Perhaps I didn’t mean
Poets of the Fall (“Finnish band”) are paedophiles, maybe I just meant that
when I say it aloud the name of the band sounds like paedophiles. Paedophiles
should get a death sentence, but I guess in our law it’s not yet there. So,
mercy for them. It’s only that I wasn’t a fan, and the singer’s girlfriend
started calling me schizophrenic online though I didn’t know any of them and I
was cut from any place they were talking about the band forum’s and communities.
I felt outcast for no reason, so I felt unsecure and for no reason threatened
the main singer’s life in IRC-galleria (used to be a place for teens to spy on
their classmates etc) by making a community about it.Maybe it’s
why they claimed I had only been on the computer on the Internet and in my own
room, when I didn’t have the time, only at night’s maybe. I also made a report
to the police about my aunt who broke my teeth with her fists when I was 17…
so, police showed up at my grandparents where I was living at that time and
asked my grandparents whether I was
violent. It was late and might have included in the report something about that
singer’s girlfriend too, or “unikissa” as she was named in that gallery site.
Sigh. I was working a few days in an old people’s home until they told me it
wasn’t my place, and in there you might actually hear someone ranting about
“dream cat’s. “, or unique cats... not sure what that nickname means. In Dr.
Sleep there was a cat and the boy from the Shining and they worked together to
help old people to cross over to death.AnywayI should
get laundry from downstairs and I’ve been listening to my new Kiesza CD for
longer than I should in one day. I bought it, so it would be in my top artists
that I listen, on last.fm site. I’ve listened on average 6 songs every day
since 2006… top artists are seether, lady gaga, snow patrol, HIM and Melanie C…
there’s Jennifer Lopez and the 69 Eyes and Evanescence.2008 and
2009 was hard. Because I was losing weight from 80 kilos to 67 kilos, and
living with grandparents. I don’t think they cared much of else except whether
I kept my room clean and I have never been good at that. I tried driving
school, I had difficulties with my Finnish exam from high school. All was going
on, even tries at different city jobs they offered to me. I was taken while I
was at handicrafts centre of my city, where I had lived first 10 years of my
life, but no one remembered me (except for one girl who I had teased in some
outdoor game chasing the flag e.g.) and I had spent my school years on two
different localities. I still don’t own a proper dialect of my country from the
West, because I lived near the coast and also on the countryside and now in
middle of Finland, where people talk the slowest of the country. My dad hates
the coast dialect. There is a joke that goes, what’s the best thing about the
whole city? Answer: Road sign to the other city…Well,I’ve been
writing blogs for about ten years. I started around 2004 or 2003. I was a fan
of Seether since 2003 when they had their song Broken with Amy Lee. I think I
found it on some yahoo music site. People my age then in that countryside
weren’t even sure if they knew what angst was.A Harry
Potter fan I’ve been around 16 years maybe. I read them on 5th or 6th grade.
The girl who recommended them to me, is probably already a doctor. Doing her
thesis on colour sight of diabetic peoples.I met some
of my classmates a few years ago. I had short wild spiky lilac hair. And a
black dress that only fits me now, it was too big then. We did nightclub,
mini-golf, pizza etc. My heart broke when I had to leave them. Like in London
where I was in England as an exchange student 2005-2006, I cried from the
bottom of my heart because I missed my exchange student friends so much after
just a few days seeing each other’s.
~~~~
pääsin näin pitkälle.
Katoin instagramista etä se sun lontoonmies on tulossa suomeen? aiotko nähdä sitä, kenties harrastaa seksiä? mikä teidän suhde nykyään on?
VastaaPoistachattaillaan aina silloin tällöin snapchatissa sen kanssa. kai me jotain kimppaa keksitään, mikäli se tulee Suomeen.
Poista